A Day in the Life of Xigbar
by StayAlive
Summary: Xigbar says his life in Organixation 13 is great. But is it really? What does he do all day when he's not on missions? Read to find out!
1. Chapter 1

A/n: Got a new story idea. Though, it's has only one chapter. Oh well! Nothin else to say. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts or the comic I sorta got the idea off of. I forget what it's called, but I don't own it anyway. Also, I do not own 'Summer Rain' either.

**A Day in the Life of Xigbar**

_Ah, life in the organization is swell. Heheheh, swell. Ehem, anyway, I love my life it's so much fun! Even if we don't have hearts._

1. Xemnas

Xigbar woke up one morning. He yawned and zipped up his organization cloak. He gave himself a thumbs-up as he looked in the mirror.

"Haha, oh yeah. Lookin good, Xiggy."

He exited his room and walked down the hallway.

Near the end he could see the Superior. Xigbar chuckled to himself.

"Yo, whazup, Mister Superior?"

The Superior's eyes narrowed at the sight of the Nobody.

"Should I be suspicious, 2?" He asked.

"Why should you be?"

Xemnas sighed and shook his head. "Just don't hurt yourself."

"Yessir," Xemnas nodded to him and continued walking. Xigbar snorted. "Mansex."

Xemnas whirled around. "Do _not_ call me that."

"Or you'll what…Mansex?"

He stared at the ceiling.

"Curse you, internet!"

"Don't forget to add the rabid fangirls."

Xemnas glared at Xigbar. "Don't help, 2."

Xigbar saluted him. "Right away, sir."

3. Xaldin

Xigbar walked into the kitchen. He found Xaldin preparing breakfast.

"Don't cut off any fingers." Xigbar warned.

"Go away, Xigbar." Xaldin muttered not bothering to look up.

Xigbar wagged a finger at the other member. "Don't talk like that to a superior member."

"I'm _really _not in the mood for you right now."

"Sheesh, somebody, or should I say Nobody, is cranky." Xigbar said chuckling.

Xaldin growled, but didn't say anything. Instead one of his six lances aimed at Xigbar.

He raised his arms in surrender and backed off. "Ok, ok. You win, Xaldy. Just remember your place in the future."

Xaldin couldn't hold back a laugh as his lance disappeared. "Remember my _place_? Believe me, 2; I'm far more mature than you."

Xigbar waved his arms around trying to act scared. "Whoo, I'm so scared."

The lance reappeared and planted itself in the Nobody's chest.

"Be glad we don't have hearts."

"LOL." Xigbar said fingering the lance. When it disappeared once more he left the room.

4. Vexen

Xigbar skipped down the stairs. He was heading for the lowest level of the castle. Vexen's dungeon.

Just outside the door he opened a portal. He appeared standing upside-down in the room. He was directly above Vexen.

Vexen was leaning over a bottle filled with a purplish liquid. He steadied it with his right hand. With his other hand, Vexen held a small test tube with green liquid in it. He was tipping it gently into the other tube trying to get just a drop out.

Xigbar chuckled quietly to himself. This was a perfect opportunity.

"BOOOO!" he yelled in the other's ear.

The Nobody flinched and accidentally poured all of the green liquid into the other tube.

A small explosion went up into Vexen's face.

He turned to the one who had disturbed his research. He swore under his breath. It was Xigbar. Of course.

Xigbar, who was still standing upside-down, looked at Vexen innocently his eyebrows raised He licked his finger and put out the small flame on one of the many hair's that were out of place. He was trying not to burst from laughing.

"_Out_!" Vexen hissed pointing to the door.

"Aww, don't be like that, Vexen." Xigbar said coming down from the ceiling.

"I said _out_."

"Well, ok, if you say so."

"_I do_."

"You know, I think you and I could become really great friends."

"Oh for the love of Kingdom Hearts, get _out_!"

Xigbar chuckled and left Vexen to cry over his destroyed hair.

5. Lexaeus

Xigbar sat on the couch. He was bored out of his mind.

Then, Lexaeus sat down across from him. Xigbar grinned to himself and settled down to stare at the Nobody.

After a couple minutes, Lexaeus sighed. "Alright, Xigbar, what do you want?"

"Wow! That's the most I've ever heard you say!" Xigbar exclaimed sitting up a little straighter.

"That's great." Lexaeus said rolling his eyes. Zexion was so much easier to talk to. That was mostly because he was the one who did the talking. At least it was intelligent. Xigbar was just plain stupid with a capital 'S'.

"So why are you always so quiet?"

"I don't have anything to say."

"And?"

"And what?"

"What else?"

"And I don't like to talk when there's nothing to talk about. I only talk if there's a reason to. Something you should practice."

Xigbar waved him off. "Oh pah-lease! Like that would change anything."

Lexaeus chuckled. "Oh I think it would."

"Wait, I really don't know what we're talking about."

Lexaeus rolled his eyes and got up.

"Where ya going, Lexy."

"Got things to do."

"Oh, ok. Buh-bye!"

"Um, ok, see ya."

A/n: I'm sorry, I had to split them up. It was getting way too long. I was only on Marluxia and I almost had eleven pages. Hope you don't mind. The other chapter is already over halfway done since I cut and pasted half of this one. So, I'll probably have it up later tonight. Please review!

'Buh-bye now.'


	2. Chapter 2

A/n: Ok, I know this was supposed to be only one chapter, but it got too long. I was going on eleven pages so I knew I had to separate them. So I did. It's easier that way. But at least the two chapters will be up around the same time. Heheheh, anyway, enjoy!

Disclaimer: See chapter 1.

6. Zexion

Xigbar crept into the library. It was time to see Zexion. He found the Nobody sitting with his back towards him reading a book.

Xigbar tiptoed over to him and said into his ear, "Whatcha readin, Zexion?" It was rather loud.

Zexion jumped.

"Don't frighten me like that, Xigbar." He said closing his book.

"Frighten? Who uses that in any kind of sentence?"

Zexion's eyes narrowed. "Why is that too big of a word for you?"

"No, but I like scared better. It's short and simple."

"Yes, but it doesn't prove anything." Zexion said.

"What do you mean?"

"Like it doesn't prove that you're intelligent."

Xigbar scratched his head. "See? There you go using big word again. Why can't you just say smart?"

"And yet you wonder why everyone calls you stupid."

Xigbar's eye widened. "They call me stupid?"

Zexion nodded.

"I'll kill them all."

"Good luck with that." Zexion muttered turning to leave.

"Good luck with what?"

Zexion turned back around raising an eyebrow.

"Just kidding."

"Stupid." He muttered under his breath so the other Nobody wouldn't hear.

7. Saix

"Hey Saix!" Xigbar called from behind a corner.

The blue haired Nobody turned around.

Xigbar shot his toy gun. A small fake dart landed in the middle of the 'x' in between Saix's eyes.

Xigbar laughed. "LOL, X marks the spot."

Saix growled at him.

Xigbar dropped his gun and got out of there fast.

8. Axel

"Hey Axel!" Xigbar shouted from across the room to the red head.

"Yo Xigbar. What's up?" Axel shouted back walking over to Xigbar.

"Nothin much. Havin a pretty good day so far."

Axel laughed. "Oh really? Who have you pranked so far?"

"Let's see here, all of the members up to you. I'm trying to get them all today."

Axel patted him on the shoulder. "Well, have fun with that."

"Oh, I will. See ya."

"See ya."

9. Demyx

Xigbar walked down the hall of the other Nobody's bedrooms. He heard music coming from the ninth door. Xigbar smiled to himself and opened the door a crack so that he could see in.

He saw Demyx jumping up and down on his bed. He held a brush to his mouth like a mic and had his ipod hooked up.

Demyx was singing, "_Oh my love it's you that I dream of. Oh my love since that day, somewhere in my heart I'm always dancing with you in the summer rain! Doesn't matter what I do now, doesn't matter what I say. Somewhere in my heart I'm always dancing with you in the summer rain."_

Xigbar's eyebrows raised and he entered the room. He got up on the bed with the Nocturne and began bouncing as well.

Demyx looked at him with wide eyes and stumbled trying to turn off his ipod.

"Who ya singin 'bout, Demy?"

Demyx blushed and jumped off of the bed. "N-no one."

"Are you sure? You were really putting your heart into it."

"R-really, Xigbar, it was just a song on my ipod."

Xigbar patted the other Nobody on the back. "Of course it was." He said leaving.

Demyx blushed again and tucked his ipod away.

10. Luxord

Xigbar saw Luxord playing solitaire on the kitchen table. He sat down across from him.

"What's up?" Xigbar asked.

"Can't you see I'm a little busy, Xigbar?" Luxord replied not looking up from his cards.

"No, wanna play a game?"

"I'm already playing a game."

"I see," Xigbar paused. "It doesn't look like much fun."

Luxord's head snapped up. He gave the Freeshooter a fake smile and said cheerfully, "Will you go away?"

Xigbar returned the smile and ignored the question. "Wanna play shadow?"

Luxord looked taken aback. "Wha-?"

Xigbar mocked Luxord's surprised expression. "What?"

"Go away."

"Go away."

Luxord slapped his hands down onto the table. Xigbar copied. He stood up and walked quickly down the hall. Of course, Xigbar followed.

He stopped at the door to his room.

"I'm an idiot." He said smiling.

Xigbar smiled as well. "You're an idiot."

Luxord hit himself in the face. Xigbar followed suite.

"Oh for Pete's sake, leave me alone." The blonde exclaimed slamming his door shut.

Xigbar looked confused. "Who's Pete?" When he didn't receive an answer he added, "I knew it! You _do _have a boyfriend!"

Luxord opened the door and slapped Xigbar as hard as he could.

"LOL." Xigbar said before he fell to the floor unconscious.

11. Marluxia

When Xigbar finally woke up he went to the next door. He tried the knob, but it was locked.

"Always gotta act smart dontcha, Mar," Xigbar said and reaching into his pocket. He pulled out what used to be a paperclip. "Well, I've got my own ways to be smart." He continued picking at the lock.

When he heard the click he grinned and opened it all the way. It looked like Marly wasn't home.

"Oh well, I can wait." Xigbar said shrugging.

He sat on the white couch that was across from the bed. His foot started to tap. What Demyx had done before was really tempting right now.

"I don't think he'll mind a few feet marks on his bed." And so, Xigbar began to jump.

When Marluxia finally entered the room his eyes widened.

"M-my bed," he stammered. "Xigbar get off of that bed this instant."

"No, it's fun."

"Now."

Xigbar plopped down into a sitting position. He looked like a little kid being yelled at. "You sound just my mother."

"You don't have a mother."

"But if I did"-

"Ok, what do you want?"

"Oh right! I wanted to ask you how you felt about those things being said about you on the computer."

Marluxia's face fell. "What?" he whispered.

"You know, the pink hair, the pink scythe, and the pink flowers? Do I really have to spell it out for you?"

Marluxia glared at him. "It's not true." He muttered.

"Then dye your hair, man."

Marluxia whipped out his scythe.

"I'm so scared," he took the pose Marluxia. "I'm Marluxia, the Graceful Assassin. Fear my pink scythe for it is manly." He said trying to imitate Marluxia's voice. He jumped back onto the bed and began jumping around again.

Marluxia threw his scythe as hard as he could at the other Nobody. It caught Xigbar by his hood and landed with a thud into the wall.

"Stay there." Marluxia said before opening a dark portal and disappearing.

A Few Minutes Later

The Superior and Marluxia reentered the room a little while later.

The Superior's eyebrows raised when he saw Xigbar hanging from the wall attempting to pull the pink scythe out.

"I told you not to injure yourself."

Xigbar's arms fell limply to his side. "Heh, I didn't do this to myself. It was Marly."

"Ah, but you provoked him."

"Why must every single member in this castle use big words?" Xigbar asked the ceiling.

"That's because we are smart."

Marluxia chuckled and added, "And you are not."

"Now, you will behave when we let you down from her."

"Huh, as if."

Marluxia's eyes widened. "You mean you're going to let him down?"

Xemnas sighed. "Sadly, I must."

"But"-

"Let him down." Xemnas said calmly.

"You heard him, Princess. Get me down from here."

"Do _not _call me that." Marluxia said fiercely making the scythe disappear.

Xigbar landed with a thud onto the floor.

"Leave him be, 11." Xemnas said leaving the room.

Marluxia smiled to himself and approached Xigbar who was still recovering from his fall. He kicked the other Nobody several times.

"Never…come…into my room…again."

"Understood." Xigbar breathed clutching his stomach.

12. Larxene

Xigbar strolled into Larxene's room. She was sitting in front of her mirror applying makeup to her face.

"Hey, Larx"-

Larxene's head snapped to the Nobody leaning against her doorframe.

She stood up shaking her head. "Get the"-

"Settle down." Xigbar said while she still continued to speak.

"Out of my room. I am _so_ not in the mood for you right now."

Xigbar put his hands on his hips. "Aww, is somebody having trouble with their boyfriend? Say, Marly?"

Larxene brought out her kunai.

As she threw them she said. "Get…out…of my…room…_NOW_!"

"Yup, definitely boyfriend problems." Xigbar said looking at the eight kunai in his chest.

Larxene grabbed the hood of his cloak that still had the hole in it from Marluxia. She threw him out of her room.

"If you _ever_ come into my room again I swear you'll fate will be worse than the slowest, most horrific death you can imagine."

Xigbar nodded. "Gotcha, I'll stay out of your way."

"Oh, and if you see_ Marluxia_, tell him that I'm looking for him."

"I can't say I can do that. He pretty much wants to kill me."

"I am surrounded by idiots!" Larxene said as she retreated back into her room also muttering, in a very high pitch, "I will kill them all," over and over.

13. Roxas

Xigbar was laying in his bed. Then, it hit him. He had forgotten Roxas! Oh well, it's never too late.

He portaled to the very last door. He let himself in and knelt down by the sleeping Roxas. Xigbar poked his shoulder.

"Ugh, Xigbar?" Roxas groaned rolling onto his back. "What do you want? It's eleven o'clock."

There's a monster in my closet. Can you check it out for me?" Xigbar whispered.

"Why did you come here? There are eleven other Nobodies closer to you than mine."

"You were the first person I thought of."

Roxas threw his covers off. "Fine," he said in a very grumpy voice. "I'll check your closet."

When they got back to Xigbar's room Roxas sighed and opened up the walk-in closet.

"I don't see any monster." He said angrily.

Xigbar snickered. "Oh, I do." He said kicking Roxas so that he fell into the closet. Xigbar shut it behind him.

"This is not funny, Xigbar!" Roxas yelled banging on the door.

"It so is. It's hilarious!"

"Get me out now!"

"Why would I do that? You're only going to kill me."

"Exactly."

The door to Xigbar's room opened. Axel hurried in.

"What's wrong, Xigbar?" he asked.

"There's a monster in my closet." He replied innocently.

"Uh huh, let me have a look."

"Heh, ok, if you say so."

Axel went into the closet.

"No monster, just a very unhappy Roxas who says he's going to kill you."

Xigbar gasped. "Why that's terrible. How on Earth would he have gotten in there?"

Axel reappeared hauling Roxas in front of him holding him by his wrists.

"Not funny, Xigbar." said a very unhappy looking Axel.

"Oh I think it's hilarious."

"Just you wait 'til I get my hands on you. You're so dead!"

Xigbar went to the door and opened it for the two other Nobodies. He stuck his foot out as Axel walked past. That sent both Axel and Roxas sprawling on the hallway floor.

"Why you"- Axel said lunging for the door.

"Tah-tah." Xigbar said closing the door in his face.

He went back over to his bed and laid down.

_Ah yes, my life in Organization 13 is great. The only downfall? Heh, they all want to kill me._

A/n: That's it! Hope you liked it! It was so much fun to write. Xigbar is one of the best characters to pick on. Well, please review! Thanks for reading. Still taking story ideas.


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